Despite the approach of all these things I love, I am feeling a solid mix of happiness and melancholy. I usually take stock of my physical, mental and emotional state when the equinox is nigh. And right now, I feel out of balance. I don’t feel aligned with the coming equinox. This is likely because the last year has been one of tremendous change for me. And continues to be.
Five and a half years ago, I embraced a man in marriage. Two months ago, I let him go through divorce. This transition has shaken my confidence in several areas…my decisions, my philosophy, my path.
I am walking into hope, while looking back at heartbreak. I am open to new affection, while closing my heart to past attachments. I am trying to look forward to opportunities, while letting go of comforts. I am smack-dab in the middle of Yin and Yang. And I feel torn.
This has me rethinking the equinox. I have always thought of it as a time of peaceful or calm transition, when the sun and moon are truly equal. In contrast, I have always thought of the solstices as times of forceful change. But maybe this philosophy is all wrong. Maybe the equinox is a time when Earth Mother is equally torn between two extremes, as I am torn now. Maybe the equinox is a requisite fray between opposites before settling into sameness. Maybe the simultaneous experience of contrasting ideas or feelings is really what it means to be balanced.
I don’t know. I have tried to research Asatru and general pagan-y practices for coping with stress. Thus far, I have not found anything of note. Most of the information I find is helpful in guiding decisions, but not so much in helping cope with the consequences. I think I’m managing well — if I do say so myself. But I would still like to learn more about how to “paganly” suss through my emotional equinox.
What say you royal readers? Have you come across a pagan-y way to deal with big life changes? I am open to any ritual or story.