
TheScott and I at the opera a few weeks ago
I apologize in advance, but I’m going to hijack the blog a little today. I write this on the day of TheScott and my 10th anniversary, and while I have tried to come up with a social pagan-y topic for this post, my mind keeps wandering down paths more personal.
I got married at 23, pretty damn young for nowadays, and I had no idea what I was doing. I remember standing at the altar deeply determined that although my faulty memory may delete the remainder of the night through nerves and champagne, I would remember saying my vows. Well guess what? (Yeah, you guessed it:) I remember promising I would remember saying my vows. I do not remember saying them. I know they were the traditional things – to have and to hold, for richer or for poorer, etc (although I did make clear ahead of time there would be no “obeyingâ€), but as a writer, I was a little disappointed in myself that I didn’t write my own – I mean, if anybody should…
But now I’m glad I didn’t. The traditional vows are generic enough that I’m not going to break them – I wouldn’t desert my husband over money or illness or a spot of bad luck. And frankly, at 23, I would’ve had no idea what else to promise…though I’ve a feeling it would’ve been eternal, unwavering love or perfect union or some such grandiose things I wasn’t sure I believed in but felt I should say.
I know better now.
So at 33, with ten years of having and holding only one man, I have finally started to figure out my vows. Wedding vows are supposed to be public things, with witnesses and ceremony, but I don’t have a second reception planned anytime soon. So I will put them publicly here instead, my vow and my love letter to my husband on our tenth anniversary.
Dearest (The)Scott, to you I promise…
I will not tell you who you are or try to define your dreams for you, because I love you the way you are. We are not one, but two who chose each other and continue to remake that choice every day. And we are better for it.
“With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do,†(said Emerson) and thus, as a great soul, I know you will change. I will not reject the changes you make as breaks from what we were, but I will take joy in discovering who you become and will encounter each transition knowing you move forward with integrity.
And when you’re not moving forward with integrity, I promise, my dear, to call you on it.
I, too, will continue to change and in doing so will strive to become a better person and a better partner with each year that passes. I do this for myself and to make us a better team. I ask your patience in return, for improvement is slow and difficult.
Whatever problems arise between us, I will seek a solution with you. Apart we can only fall further apart, but if we work together I have faith we can overcome whatever life will throw our way.
Sometimes, my love, I read of the pain in the world, and I doubt there could possibly be a divine being of goodness. I contemplate eternity and don’t understand how my life can have meaning. I see death and I fear that when I go there, nothing will be waiting for me.
But I never doubt you.
During those nights when I find myself fearing the darkness, I turn to watch you sleep – and I find peace. Each morning I wake to the sound of your voice, and the ritual starts my day with joy. When my faith is stretched to its limit, you still give me something to believe in, a reason to hope, and a motivation to grow.
Scott, I celebrate you this day. I hope to celebrate you again on our 75th wedding anniversary (hey, we got married young – it could happen), but if Fate doesn’t have that in store for us, know that I will be thankful, so very thankful, for whatever time we had. No matter what comes, my love, you will remain in my heart for as long as my spirit recognizes this life.
8 comments
B says:
Mar 4, 2011
What a beautiful sentiment. 🙂 Kudos to you for a lovely composition!
I remember your reception, if not your wedding, although I know I was there. I remember the gift table arrangement I made you (a rose&ivy, double-ball, potted topiary) and the matching decorations I made to hang on the backs of the Bride&Groom chairs. I remember laughing to myself for stressing out about how they looked because, as it turned out, the head table was against a wall and nobody was going to see the backs of your chairs, anyway. I remember you had a nice band at the reception, and getting inspired (again) to find my own jazz band.
Fondly, I remember you two looking smiley and happy and full of sunshine. 🙂
Happy tenth anniversary, from a couple of friends who just celebrated their fifteenth. It only gets better. 🙂
Jax says:
Mar 4, 2011
Aww, B I loved your flower arrangements. I’m sorry they weren’t more prominently displayed! By the time I actually got to the weekend of the wedding, my brain was so not working anymore.
And I knew you guys had been married longer than us, but da-yum girl, fifteen years?? Congratulations! That’s so awesome!
B says:
Mar 5, 2011
Hee! Oh, I know that pre-wedding brain-dead-ness so very, very well… Even today, the running joke about my wedding (among my bridesmaids) is: “It’s not that she was stressed, is just that we were all such a$$holes…”
Makes me laugh out loud every time they give me shyte about it. 😉
But hey, seriously, no worries about the flowers – I was just glad you liked them, even if no one else could see them! And it was funny. I laughed at myself for worrying so much about how they looked, and about how I was going to hang them on the unexpected shape of the chairs. Once I realized it really, really didn’t matter, I let it go with a laugh and enjoyed the band. ;-p
k! says:
Mar 4, 2011
Dammit, you made me cry. My boss is going to wander by and wonder what he did this time….
GG says:
Mar 4, 2011
Your marriage is an inspiration to those of us still trying to be lucky in love.
No relationship is easy or happy all of the time. I think longevity + happy MOST of the time is a big win. 😉
Jax says:
Mar 4, 2011
Thank you K! and GG. *blush*
TheScott says:
Mar 4, 2011
Jax,
In no way can I, the engineer, as eloquently express my feelings as well as you. I first realized how deeply I loved you sitting in the church watching your cousin’s wedding. From that moment, until now I think of you and I think “I love you with all my heart.” So I will say only this:
I promise to live the rest of my life with you, and I love you…with all my heart.
Scott
ScottTwo says:
Mar 5, 2011
It’s a wonderful thing to see how deeply in love you are. Jax, your eloquence and Scott, your precision are reflected not only in your words but in the way you live your marriage, complementary and harmonious. Congratulations to you both!