Last weekend I attended a gorgeous wedding. The church was beautiful, the reception truly over the top, and the bride was, well, she looked fabulous. Even the sermon was entertaining; the preacher was an excellent speaker who knew how to write. I didn’t agree with everything (okay, much of what) he said, but I expected that going in; the bride and groom are both conservative Christians, so it followed the sermon would espouse that worldview. I take what I can from these mini-lessons and leave the rest behind without complaint; it is their right in their church to say things such as, “Marriage was invented by [our] God,†and “In order for a marriage to succeed, God must be the center of it.â€
I never realized until after I converted how definitively Christian preachers tend to phrase things.
I know many individual Christians who have reconciled a multi-faith society with their own religious views, however, the Christian Church* on the whole is not pluralist. It is built around the belief there is one God and they are His only church, so it makes sense, in their minds, to speak as if their beliefs and opinions are facts.
But as pagans, we are pluralists. We believe multiple paths can and should co-exist in relative harmony. What is true for me is not necessarily true for you, and that doesn’t have to make one of us “wrong.†Paganism isn’t an “either/or†faith.
How can this be applied in social situations? In a coven meeting or blót where the entire membership is of similar mind, it makes sense to use more definitive phrasing, but what about at a pagan wedding where guests from all over the religious map will be in attendance? Or a… holiday party? The truth of the matter is, people feel uncomfortable and slightly unwelcome – or at least not truly part of the festivities – when the host speaks as if his or her religious opinions are ideas with which we must agree.
My opinion? Don’t do it. Make every religious view – even ones you disagree with – welcome. We can disagree without hating, without evangelizing. This is something paganism excels at, and we need to show it off. I realize many monotheists will not use the same flexible language, but do we really want to behave like someone we disagree with because “they started it.â€
So be yourself and throw your event the way you see fit. But if you are including people of a variety of faiths, remember that few of them know anything about our faith, and some have even been taught to fear us. We need to use language that is friendly and open – bridge-building. “In my faith, we set a chair for our ancestors to join in the celebration with us. It is a way of honoring them and ‘inviting their presence’ (a concept that is defined differently by different people). If you would like to participate in part or full, I will show you how and you are welcome to do so in whatever spirit you see fit. If you do not wish to, you are welcome to leave it alone.â€
Does this diminish the meaning of the ritual? Not for me. Just as someone else’s definition of marriage does not change my relationship with my husband, someone else’s view of a ritual does not change my experience of it. We can co-exist. And that, I think, is the fine line between being yourself and forcing yourself on someone else.
3 comments
T.K. says:
Oct 2, 2010
Okay, here’s me. I understand your descriptions of both the total encompassing Christian, but IMO that’s not the typical Christian, and the pagan, which I have no opinion of at the moment, other than the coolness of yourself.
Take your wedding example. Really! I mean you’re totally right. But!
How many women get married in a church because they want God in their wedding or their marriage? Whatever that number is, there are fewer men. Again, IMO, girls/women dream of a church wedding because it’s the socially acceptable thing to do, and it’s the symbol of happily ever after. They don’t dream of God in their wedding or their marriage. (Okay, maybe there are some that do. The exception not the rule and yes there are couples perfectly happy with an Elvis wedding in LV.)
Following up; how many Christians want God and Christian rituals in their life? What they really want is God in their death. They want the promise/hope/chance of a hereafter, a heavenly hereafter. They don’t really want God in their life.
Base on this opinion, I’m going to guess there are just as many pagans that feel the same way about pagan gods and rituals in their marriage and life.
I’m just saying, it’s not wrong, it is what it is.
Jax says:
Oct 3, 2010
Wow, T.K. I really want to thank you for your comment. The whole of it is interesting, but that part at the end (and if you don’t mind I’m going to paraphrase to generic it up a bit) is profound. — “How many people want God in their life? What they really want is God in their death.”
Wow.
I agree it’s not wrong to feel that way; I have a lot of friends who are agnostic or atheist, and I don’t think they’re evil or wrong for not making the divine a part of their life (hey, they’re still good to their fellow man, and that’s what counts in my book). But I think you’ve just defined the difference between a truly religious person and everyone else in the building – a religious person wants some sort of divinity in their life; the rest just doesn’t want existence to end at death.
Which is not the same thing. Not the same thing at all.
I’ve actually been accused of being religious merely because I am “unwilling to accept the big dirt nap of eternity.” But the thing is, as much as I do believe there’s something after, my connection to the gods is not dependent on that. Even if one lifetime is all there is before oblivion, I want to spend the time I have walking with the divine in whatever capacity I am capable of understanding It.
I am religious. (And if I wasn’t… I probably wouldn’t have put together a blog about religion 🙂 )
And I don’t think everybody needs to be religious; there’s nothing wrong with taking life’s experiences in a totally human way. But I do have to wonder why spend so much of life in church if you’re only there for the idea of what might come after life’s over – something you have no control over and don’t know for sure what it will even be. That’s a lot of effort into a payment plan when you have no idea what you’re buying.
Anyway. Thanks again for your comment. It really made me think, and I appreciate it!
T.K. says:
Oct 4, 2010
You’re welcome, but you said it so much more eloquently — a religious person wants some sort of divinity in their life; the rest just doesn’t want existence to end at death.
The Pagan Princesses is a great sight, I’m learning a lot!