Frith is an obsolete English word meaning “peace; freedom from molestation, protection; safety, security”. – Wikipedia
Frith is not obsolete to Heathens. We sign our emails, “In frith,†we wish it to each other when we part, and it’s a common blessing on the holidays. It was one of the first unfamiliar concepts I encountered in my discovery of Heathenry, but it resonated with me right away. Frith is a specific kind of peace. It’s not personal zen (which, as far as I can tell anyway, is not something recognized in a religious context for Heathens) or world peace (which would be great, but I’ve never met a Heathen who considers it a realistic possibility), but frith is somewhere in the middle. It’s having everything in harmony between you and your community and the people you consider yours (your “inner guard†as they used to call it).
Love all, trust a few. Do wrong to none. – William Shakespeare
My parents  refused to put bumper stickers on their cars – I was never allowed to have one, and even though I love bumper stickers with their quirky self-expression, I have still never put one on my car – and yet when I was in high school my dad once put one on his truck that said, “Think globally, act locally.†The idea meant so much to him that he broke a cardinal family rule to display it on his travels. The concept was easy for me to figure, even at a young age: I can’t solve the world’s problems, but I can make sure my corner of the world runs a little smoother, and in doing so make the world a better place. I see frith being very much like this. It’s remembering the responsibility we have to our own communities – both geographically and the ones we have created through personal and online friendships. It’s keeping our own households in order instead of telling other people who aren’t part of our inner guard how to run theirs. It’s having friends that tell you truths you don’t want to hear because it’s a lot better to get it from them than to stumble in the outside world.
A Blacksmith's Shop by Richard Earlom (1771)
In the old days, people were tied to their physical community (their village or city) much more tightly than we are today, and not just because of our advances in communication and travel. The daily necessities of life were not something a single person could readily provide for themselves. I might raise sheep and spin the wool, and somebody else might make tools in their smithy, and we would need each other for those skills. It was necessary to keep good relations with our neighbors despite arguments or differences in personality or you wouldn’t have what you needed to make life work. Without Amazon.com (the faceless one-stop shop) our ties to other people were obvious and concrete. Now we truly can live as emotional hermits, going to work and coming home, shopping for all our necessities at mega-marts, and keeping people at a distance or cutting ties when it isn’t comfortable to keep them. In fact it seems sometimes that independence for many people is not a state of personal responsibility and “holding one’s own†but a state of being outside the bounds of community, of owing nothing in monetary debt or emotional support. I used to think that way myself, or at least, I used to think that was a goal worth striving for.
But frith says differently. Frith says we need those ties. We need other people, and we need them to need us in return. It’s okay to get help from your inner guard – that’s what they’re for – and it’s necessary to help your inner guard when they need it. I may not need to physically exchange my spun wool for your hammered kettle, but the need for the bonds of community is still a very human thing. “Social creatures,†which scientists will tell us we humans are, don’t simply need proximity, we need to connect.
I’ve wondered if this is why labels have been bandied about in the community so vehemently as we look for some concrete way of drawing lines around our inner guards… and everybody has a different sized village they feel most comfortable claiming. I personally see my inner guard (and therefore my responsibilities of frith) as extending outward in increasingly bigger circles like the rings of a tree — from the inmost ring of my home, to the next ring of my family and good friends, to my extended friends and the organizations I belong to, to my city and my state. I carry more responsibility the deeper in I’m dealing with and less the further outward those circles expand. I can’t save the world (what does that even mean?) no matter how much I’d like to, and I can’t count on a stranger to step in and save me when I need it. I need a community filled with frith.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on frith and community.
10 comments
Liza says:
Jun 7, 2011
I think what you wrote is beautiful, honest, to the point. Somewhat ideal (which considering I am an idealist….:) in some ways and very realistic in others. But I can only see this through my own experience with people and community. There are times when you are ok with, yourself, people and community, but they are not ok with themselves and use you to strike out at because they are fearful or bitter. It could be because you look different. Act different, dress different and think different (outside the box)then most people do. They feel threatened. It could be you have gifts that most do not understand. It could be you have been isolated by people not of your own choosing but by their conduct toward you. Lets face it who would want to reach out toward someone who is punching them and give them a kiss. Not I! 🙂 lol Frith is a two way street. It is a shared responsibility an understanding and commitment. I absolutely agree that we each are responsible for our own household and telling someone how to run their lives, who to be, how to dress, who to worship is truly not conductive to open and loving relationships. Especially when the person is already a responsible human being and a positive role model. The reason I am speaking in broader terms is because I am not the only one who has had the brunt of negativity directed at me in this world. There are many people out there who feel terribly lonely because they are alone, not by their own choosing. So I would say it that this too, I feel, should be looked at and considered. I do not think there is anything wrong with “stepping over the bodies” of people who put themselves there by wanting to hurt you. I feel we each have a choice on what quality of people we choose to be and that is our responsibility as human/spiritual beings. Just saying there are different circumstance that call for different responses:)
I am truly grateful for those who love and accept me. These are the healers who give to each other and foster a true sense of community through love. No one is perfect but that does not mean you can’t be kinder and more compassionate:)
BTW I love the way you write and enjoy reading your blog:)
Liza
Jax says:
Jun 8, 2011
Thanks Liza! I love your artwork, btw, particularly the silhouette line. So beautiful!
And yes, I did not mean to imply that frith means allowing people to walk all over you. In fact, frith means different people get a different level of trust, forgiveness, personal access, and generosity with my resources based on where in the “tree rings” they are. Everyone is equal in that they have equal right to existence and their pursuit of happiness, but everyone is not equal in my responsibility to them. My sister would be rightfully insulted if I took care of a stranger when she needed me, and my husband would certainly take issue if I gave all men equal treatment. *ahem* On the other hand, if GG insulted me (not that she would, but if she did) I would seek her out to figure out what’s wrong with an underlying faith that we were still friends and would still be friends once we’d argued it out, whereas if a stranger said the exact same thing, I would be like, “You need to leave my presence now and not come back,” and promptly forget that person’s existence because they are clearly useless. While I believe it is important to treat all people with respect, I do not believe it is right to treat people equally, and frith can be looked at as a systematic way of dividing up various communities and providing a minimum standard of behavior for each level. (I know that sounds really un-PC, but I hope I’m making my point clear? Again, I’m not saying it’s okay to be mean or disrespectful to anybody.)
I started the post with the intention to talk about the differences in community between now and the past, but realized that post was going to get too long. 🙂 But basically, we choose our circles now in a way we never could before. If I understand the historical evidence I’ve read (i.e. don’t quote me on this) for the Norse during the Viking Age, frith was offered first to blood family (including those adopted into the blood), then to extended family and to those in bonds of troth (i.e. people you’d sworn oaths to), then to your town, and finally to the larger Norse community. You had some choice in who you swore oaths to and who you married (more choices if you were a man, though it’s clear from the Lore that women lived by the law of frith just as fiercely), but the rest of your circles were not up for debate.
Nowadays, however, we have options. The Princesses live fifteen miles away from each other on opposite sides of a river – we wouldn’t have been in the same community 200 years ago. But with the miracle of cars and the internet, I can pick to be in a tighter community with her than my next door neighbor (who’s a nice man, but 20 years older than me and engaged in completely different interests). People nowadays have a choice of having an online community of friends around the world that they may never meet in person, people that they can engage with more easily and that they select for their qualities as opposed to mere proximity. We have much more flexibility in who are inner circles are composed of. I think this is a really good thing.
Except… (personal and somewhat tangential rant coming on… sorry….) Sometimes I fear our reliance on distance relationships makes it easy to forget basic civic duty. If I don’t feel connected to my physical community, it’s easier to forget that they need me to be a good citizen, too, even though they’re not my social circle. For a silly personal example, I was watering my garden today and found 3 – count ’em 3 – dog piles on my lawn. We never see wandering dogs in our neighborhood, so there’s a high likelihood somebody’s taking their dog for a walk and forgetting that their dog is pooping on their community (I can just see them on Facebook commenting on the status of somebody a thousand miles away while they don’t notice their dog crapping on my lawn). If I knew that person face to face, the dog walker would be far more likely to notice and clean up after his/her dog – or it would be a personal insult that s/he didn’t clean it up, instead of not knowing and therefore not caring. Granted, there are far more important examples I could have used than this one, but I just got in from watering my plants, and am peeved. But this is an example of the “rings” of frith. Dog walker and I don’t owe each other trust or devotion or third, fourth, and fifth chances when we’re obnoxious to each other – we don’t draw frith rings like we used to, and being in the same neighborhood doesn’t necessarily make us tight. But we share physical community, so that “level” of frith says, “Your dog can walk on my lawn if you clean up its poop.”
So yeah, frith is definitely reciprocal, and no longer determined by physical proximity. It shouldn’t make you a doormat but it should make you responsible for taking care of the people in the various rings of your community as best you can at least to the minimum level of which they deserve based on their “ring level.†And I’ve practically written a second post in the comments, so I’ll shut up now. 🙂
ScottTwo says:
Jun 7, 2011
What a great concept, and you convey it so beautifully!
Jax says:
Jun 8, 2011
Thank you ScottTwo!! 🙂
Krimsyn says:
Jun 8, 2011
Have you read Year_Of Wonders? Frith is the last name of the protagonist, and thanks to your post, I can see why the author gave her that name.
Jax says:
Jun 8, 2011
I have not read Year of Wonders. Good book? I love to read, and am always looking for new recommendations. I’m glad my post helped!
Devin says:
Jun 8, 2011
As a Heathen community to me is of utmost importance. My Kindred in located in MN, while I reside in CO for personal reasons and I look forward to events like LATP or NFG, where I can see and bond with my Kin again and in person. I also agree, we need more local economic and personal interaction as you have described and respecting and acknowledging someone’s skills, sweat, etc. that went into a creation is a part of Frith in my life.
In Frith,
Devin
Jax says:
Jun 8, 2011
Thank you for weighing in, Devin! It’s always good to hear from my fellow Heathens (and even better when I’m posting on a Heathen topic and get a concurrence that I’m not horribly mangling our faith!) That must be frustrating living so far from your Kindred, but from what I’ve heard of Colorado (I’ve never been personally) living there is worth a little frustration. 🙂
My husband and I are starting to turn more and more of our purchasing over to local, personal interactions (or at least Etsy versus Walmart), and my husband is a woodworker who’s making more of our furniture and fixtures instead of purchasing – and it feels really good.
Thanks for the Memories | The Pagan Princesses says:
Nov 25, 2011
[…] about the wider bands of frith. Being far from family, I have been thinking about my inner bands of frith this holiday week. I am thankful for my family; I miss them often, especially around the holidays. […]
Royal Advisors Wanted… Mixed Religious Parenting | The Pagan Princesses says:
Jun 26, 2012
[…] This is very important to me because ancestor veneration is an important part of Heathenry as are circles of frith, and this is the ceremony that spiritually links a family together.** Not that a family can’t be […]